Written by Henry Smith · Reviewed by Smiths Insurance & KiwiSaver, licensed Financial Advice Provider (FSP712931) · Updated 2026-10-20 · Reviewed annually, or sooner if the rules it describes change.
A eulogy is a spoken tribute to someone who has died, usually given at their funeral or memorial service. To write one, ask the family how long you have, gather a few real memories, then shape them into an opening, a short account of the person's life, one story that shows their character, and a closing farewell. Write it for the ear, in your own voice, and rehearse it aloud.
A eulogy is a speech of praise and remembrance, delivered at the service. An elegy is a poem or song of lament for the dead, written to be read or sung rather than spoken as a tribute. People often say "eulogy" for any funeral speech, and a family will usually be happy with whatever you call it. A service can include both, for example a eulogy from a child and a poem of lament read by a friend. Other words you will hear for the same job include "tribute" and "speech", and funeral directors describe tributes as something that can be spontaneous or a planned list of contributors (FDANZ: funeral and farewell choices). For readings and poems, see funeral poems and readings.
Step 1: ask before you write
Three questions save a lot of rewriting.
How long do I have? Ask the celebrant or funeral director. They know the running order, and FDANZ notes that the order of a service can be changed and that celebrants usually spend time with the family in the days before the funeral.
Who else is speaking? If three people are covering childhood, work and family, you can focus on one part.
What does the family want? One funeral director puts it simply: "A good funeral is when you deliver what the family asks for" (Beth-Shan: writing a eulogy).
If the service is a tangihanga on a marae, the speaking follows marae protocol rather than an order of service; the tangihanga guide explains how it works and who speaks.
Step 2: gather material
Start by asking how you would sum up this person's life. Then collect:
Milestones such as where they were born and schooled, where they lived, their work, relationships and family.
Their interests and achievements, and the things they were known for.
Funny stories, including mischievous ones. Beth-Shan's advice is that a eulogy "should call to mind special memories".
Words from others. Some people feel they cannot speak but have things to say, so ask a few relatives or friends for one memory each.
Photos and treasured objects can also be shown at the service, and a piece of music can reflect their life; check with the family first.
Step 3: shape it in five parts
Part
What it does
Example wording (invented, for illustration)
Greeting
Thank people for coming and say who you are
"Kia ora everyone. I'm Sam, Rewi's eldest granddaughter. Thank you for being here."
Opening line
One sentence that sums up the person
"My nan could not walk past a stray cat or a flat tyre without fixing both."
Life in brief
A few milestones, in order or by theme
"She grew up in Timaru, trained as a nurse, and spent forty years..."
One story
A single memory that shows character
"The summer the caravan rolled into the paddock, she..."
Farewell
A close, directed to the person or the room
"Nan, thank you. We will keep the kettle on."
Pick one story rather than five. A single specific scene tells the room more about a person than a list of adjectives.
Step 4: write for the ear
Use short sentences and the words you would say in conversation. Read each line aloud; if you stumble, rewrite it.
Name people the first time you mention them, because some of the room will not know them.
Avoid in-jokes that only three people will get, unless you explain them in a line.
Be honest but kind. A eulogy can mention that someone was stubborn or hard to please if it is said with affection.
Step 5: rehearse and prepare for the day
Read the speech aloud with a timer, then cut to fit the slot you were given. Print it in large type with double spacing and mark where to pause. Take a glass of water. If your voice breaks, stop, breathe and carry on; the room is on your side. Have a back-up person who has read the speech and can take over if you cannot continue. If the service is livestreamed, speak a little slower than feels natural, so remote viewers can follow.
A fill-in outline you can copy
Greeting. Kia ora, I'm [name], [relationship to the person]. Thank you for coming today.
Opening. [One sentence that sums them up.]
Their life. [Born in / grew up in / worked as / loved.] [Two or three milestones.]
A story. [Where and when.] [What happened.] [What it shows about them.]
What they gave us. [One or two qualities, each with a quick example.]
Farewell. [Closing line to them.] Moe mai ra.
"Moe mai ra" is a common te reo Māori farewell meaning "rest well"; use it only if it fits the family and the service.
Planning your own service ahead
This page is about the speech, not the bill. If the occasion leaves you thinking about your own arrangements, the funeral insurance hub compares the providers. One of them is Momentum Life Limited's Funeral Insurance, for New Zealanders aged 40 to 75, which pays a benefit of $3,000 to $30,000. During the first 24 months it pays only for accidental death (premiums are refunded for any other death), the total premiums can end up larger than the benefit, and the benefit may not cover the whole funeral. Its A.M. Best rating is B (Fair), explained on its financial strength page. The buttons on this page lead to Momentum's own quote.
Adviser's view
A good eulogy is short, specific and about the person, not a full biography. The most useful first step is asking the family and the celebrant how long you have and what else is in the service. Write it the way you talk, put one real story in the middle, and print it in large type in case your voice goes.
Henry Smith, Financial Adviser (FSP1010699). General information, not personalised financial advice.
Cite this page QuoteHub NZ (2026). How to Write a Eulogy NZ: Steps and Template. www.quotehub.co.nz/guides/when-someone-dies/how-to-write-a-eulogy-nz. Updated 2026-10-20.