Talking with parents about their funeral wishes

Written by Henry Smith · Reviewed by Smiths Insurance & KiwiSaver, licensed Financial Advice Provider (FSP712931) · Updated 2026-10-20 · Reviewed quarterly, when the underlying data is restated.

Financial advice is provided by Craig Smith Business Services Limited, trading as Smiths Insurance & KiwiSaver, a licensed Financial Advice Provider (FSP712931). QuoteHub is a trading name.

To record your parents' funeral wishes in New Zealand, have an open conversation covering burial or cremation, the kind of service and how it might be paid for, then write the answers down and keep them with their will. Written wishes guide the executor but are not legally binding: the executor, or the person lawfully in control of the body, makes the final decision.

This is a conversation, not an insurance application, and it should not turn into a sales discussion. The aim is for the people who will actually make the decisions to hear what your parent wants in your parent's own words, while they can still say it. How far those wishes reach in law is covered further down. FDANZ found 74% of 2025 deaths had no pre-arrangement or pre-payment, which means most families are working it out afresh at short notice (FDANZ, 2026 Industry Trends Report).

How to start the conversation

There is no perfect moment, but some starting points are gentler than others.

Use an event. A funeral you both attended, a friend's recent death or a will update can open the door: "What did you think of that service? What would you want?"
Ask about them, not about you. "I want to get it right for you" lands better than "we need to sort this out".
Start small. Burial or cremation first, then music, then who should speak. You do not need every answer in one sitting.
Include your siblings. If everyone hears the same wishes at once, nobody can later say a different version.
Accept a no. If a parent is not ready, say you are happy to come back to it, and leave a copy of the checklist.
Let faith, tikanga and culture lead. If your parent follows tangihanga or another tradition, ask who in the whānau or community should be involved. Customs vary, and the elders or minister are the right people to ask (Te Ara: Tangihanga).

A 12-point checklist to record their choices

We do not offer a downloadable form; copy this list into a note or document and fill it in together.

#	Question	Notes to record
1	Burial, cremation or another option?	If burial, which cemetery or urupā
2	Do they already own a plot?	Cemetery, plot number, who holds the paperwork
3	What kind of service?	Church, marae, home, hall, chapel, or none
4	Viewing?	Whether they want the body viewed, and where it should rest
5	Who leads?	Celebrant, minister, tohunga or family
6	Readings, hymns and songs	Specific titles
7	What should happen to ashes?	Kept, buried, scattered, and where
8	Tikanga or religious customs	And who can advise the family
9	Preferred funeral director	Or an existing plan
10	Organ donation or body bequest	Their wishes, if any (see this guide)
11	Who is the executor, and do they know?	Name, phone, where the will is kept
12	How will it be paid for?	Savings, a prepaid plan, a policy and its number, or the estate

What the law means for the checklist

Wishes guide; they do not bind. Community Law says funeral instructions are not legally binding on the family, though it would be unusual for a family not to follow them (Community Law: Funerals and tangihanga). The executor has the final say "regardless of what instructions you leave in your will" (Community Law: Choosing an executor). With no named executor or will, the closest relative decides, taking account of whānau views and cultural, religious and spiritual practices.
An enduring power of attorney ends at death (Protection of Personal and Property Rights Act 1988, s 106(1)(b)), so an attorney is not the person to hand the plan to; the executor is.
Keep the plan where it is found quickly. Keep a copy with the executor, and with a sibling, not only in a will or a safe. See funeral wishes in a will.

Money: who pays, and what the plan can change

Recording wishes does not fund them. Costs are met from the estate, a prepaid plan, a policy, a grant or by the family. The bank can release funds from your parent's account to pay for the funeral, and you do not need to be executor or wait for probate (govt.nz). Work and Income's Funeral Grant of up to $2,697.43 can apply for a parent's funeral, but it is tested (Work and Income). For the size of the bill, FDANZ's 2026 report gives an average of $11,700 for a full funeral with cremation and $14,300 with burial. Our paying for a parent's funeral guide takes this further, and funeral costs lists the ranges.

If a parent wants you to take out funeral cover

Some parents ask a child to arrange funeral cover, and some children raise it. It is one option among several, alongside savings and a prepaid plan. A few facts if you are weighing it up:

Momentum Life's Funeral Insurance accepts New Zealanders aged 40 to 75, with no health questions, for $3,000 to $30,000, and accidental death pays three times the benefit at any time, where the death happens within 90 days of the accident. A parent counts as a "Relative" under the wording, so an adult child can own the policy on a parent.
The first 24 months. For the first 24 months only accidental death (within 90 days of the accident) is paid; other deaths in that window pay no benefit and all premiums for that person are refunded.
Over 75. Momentum does not accept new applicants over 75. Other insurers publish entry ages to 79 (NZ Seniors, OneChoice, AA Life) or 80 (Chubb Life). See our funeral insurance for parents page and the funeral insurance hub.
Total premiums can exceed the benefit, and the benefit may not cover a whole funeral. If your parent is in good health, setting the same money aside yourself, or a prepaid plan, can cost less in total.
Rating. Momentum Life's A.M. Best rating is B (Fair) (financial strength page).

The buttons below open Momentum's online applications. Raise the topic with your parent first; a policy is only one way to fund what they have asked for.

If you are planning ahead for your own funeral costs

Get a quote and apply online today

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Life cover See your price Ages 18–65 · $50k–$300k Funeral cover See your price Ages 40–75 · $3k–$30k

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Life cover: Conditions you already have aren't covered for the first 2 years (premiums refunded instead). Suicide isn't covered for the first 2 years, and a few conditions can be excluded permanently.

Funeral cover: Only accidental death is covered for the first 2 years. Total premiums can add up to more than the cover, and it may not meet the whole cost of a funeral.

Insurer: Momentum Life Limited. Financial strength rating B (Fair) from AM Best, affirmed 11 February 2026; B ratings sit in AM Best's 'vulnerable' range. The rating scale is available for inspection at every Momentum Life office in New Zealand. What this means

Already have cover? Keep it. New cover won't pay for a condition you already have in its first 2 years.

Opens Momentum Life's online application; its guidance only covers eligibility. QuoteHub is a Momentum Life partner. Smiths Insurance & KiwiSaver may receive a commission if you buy. General information, not advice.

Adviser's view

The conversation matters more than any form. A parent who has said what they want, to the people who will carry it out, saves the family guessing at the worst time. Written wishes guide the executor but do not bind them. Funding is a separate, later question, and funeral insurance is only one of several answers.

Henry Smith, Financial Adviser (FSP1010699). General information, not personalised financial advice.

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Cite this page QuoteHub NZ (2026). Parents' Funeral Wishes NZ: How to Talk and Record Them. www.quotehub.co.nz/guides/when-someone-dies/parents-funeral-wishes-nz. Updated 2026-10-20.